Today is Shane kor kor's bithday..The most doted kor that i ever had.Although we didn't really meet up.But we did talk alot in msn at times.Once in a while,over the phone.The last time i met him was last year.Where he even cooked scrumble eggs for me.=) Happy 20th bithday kor!
Kor,i'm sorry.I promised you that i would be fine & happy again.But i didn't,i couldn't.Sorry to be still at this kind of mood even on your birthday.Right now,i feel so miserable.I feel so xinku.Worst of all,he's taking it like nothing.Which makes me feel worst.He makes me feel like giving away my son.He makes me feel like going somewhere where nobody's gonna find me.He makes me feel like doing anything & everything i can to have him back into my life.I feel so upset.I really dont know what to do.I'm so lost.My world seems to be gone.I slept every night.Crying myself to bed.I woke up every morning,with tears that rolled down by itself.For the whole day,i wouldn't know what to do.Life seems meaningless to me.Yet there's nothing i could do.Friends told me to stay strong & moved on.But i couldn't.I just couldn't.I tried to treat you just like a normal close friend.But it feel so tough.You are so near,yet i couldn't hold you.We are not what we used to be anymore.
I've spoken to you,which i finally realised that there isn't any chance at all.I really feel like meeting you out,talked to you face to face.I want to see your reaction,how you exactly feels.But i couldn't.I didn't have the courage to do so.Everything happen so fast.Too fast that i couldn't catch anything.I'm not what i used to be.To let go of things like it's nothing.You seems to moved on so fast.Like nothing has ever happened.Sometimes i wonder,what it would be if i didn't sent that sms on that day.Would we still be together like we used to be? I've regretted.I've really regretted.I shouldn't have.
Sigh..I going crazy.I'm breaking down.