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Tuesday, October 14, 2008
@ 2:06:00 AM

Yepps..another post in the middle of the night.Well,i'm posting this because i've just spoken to my daddy.He made me realise alot of things.Things that i've always not wanted to think of.Which can say,things that i wanna avoid.I'm afraid of the future.I'm scared.I don't wanna carry on.I'm uncertain of myelf.I don't know if i'm ever being able to make it.Right now,i couldn't even think that i'm able to go to sec 5.Things are going within me..So many 'What If'..It's all too late as mistakes that i've done are unrepentable.How i wish i could turn back time..
My dad..He blames himself of what has become of me.He feels that he didn't spent time with me.That's why i didn't have enough love & care from him which made me what am i today.He's disappointed in me.Upset & angry with me.But overall,he's feeling more upset & angry with himself than with me.I realised my dad has grown old.But he's still loving me as always.He is still willing to wake up early just to send me to school.He even specially sent me to church service on Sunday,12.10.2008.
I've been foolish.Naive.I didn't treasure my dad.Even until now.My dad on the other hand,has been worrying about me.Why i'm still not home when it's late.Where did i go? Who am i with? Will i be home today? If not,where am i staying? All this while..He's been worrying about me every single day.But me,didn't let him know beforehand about things that i've been doing.I come & go as i wished.Taking my house like a hotel.It's nothing but a place for me to sleep in.
I felt guilty.I understand the worrying of a parent.Just like how i worry my son when he's in school.Things like,has he eaten? Is he full? Did he had his nap? Would the teachers treat him well? Did he get along well with friends in school? Etc...
My dad..He gave me up once.When i was pregnant.But thanks to our counsellor,friends & his boss.He took me back once again.Only to let me disappoint him even more.I'm ashamed.Ashamed about what i've done in the past.I know how much my dad loved me.Plus all this things that had happened,isn't his fault.It was me myself who was insensible.Who choose not to bother about serious consequences.Who choose not to study,but to play.I'm wild..Too wild..& to say the truth,sometimes,i've been thinking..What if,my mum didn't left us? Would i be like that? Or would i be under the care of a loving mummy not envying other families? I've got totally no memories of us,one whole family,being out together,spending a happy time.No,not even once.
I know i'm lucky.To still have a daddy who dotes on me & treated me like a treasure.But i can't help it but to think at times about my mummy.Though recently mummy & i did contact & goes out,but i feels that she loved the guy's family more than me? Perhaps it's the years that we've never been together.Hence that weird feeling.But now,my feelings for her is getting stronger.I do got hurt when people talk about my mummy nowadays.I used to be feeling nothing.Totally nothing at all.
Today,this talk with my daddy is precious.I realised so many things that i've missed out.And for my dad,i've told him that i might not be able to go to sec 5.But all he told me was,"you did your best.Get your results.Plan what to do next.Don't dwell on the past.Let it be over.I will help you with whatever i can.To support you & baby with everything that i've got." That was his reply.
I'm touched.All i want to say is thank you & sorry.
Thank you God,for giving me such a nice & loving father.Without him,i'm nothing.

about
♥ CherylLynn's Life ♥

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This is a blog of a 23yr old mother of 2 kids.
♥ Blessed with a wonderful 8yr old son and a 1yr old daughter. (:
♥ Blessed with a supportive father who have always been there. (:
♥ Blessed with a loving husband who puts me first. ^^
♥ Blessed with lots of wonderful friends around me who will keep me moving.
She's blessed with the MOST important thing in life ; ♥ LOVE ♥ (:
No matter how hard life is,THANK GOD,SMILE & MOVE ON. ^^
HER LIFE
They are the reason that she lives.
She's imperfect and she knows it.
So don't judge her for who you think she is.
And don't befriend her if you will to hurt her & brings pain to her.
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Thank You! (:


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